2016 Year in Review

So, yep. I sort of dropped the cheese on just about everything I had set out to do this year especially in regards to keeping up appearances on this blog. I hardly wrote anything at all. I also wasn't as consistent with my resolutions as I would have liked to be. Let's review what I set out to do and how I did with accomplishing said goals, shall we? 

SRT

I am happy to report that with only a few minor snaffoos I am on track to finish the entire Bible this year (I am writing this on the 30th but I'm just so darn close, I don't imagine I'll mess this one up). So YAY! 

184 DAYS OF DRESSES

Ummmm, so yeah. I think I lasted about a week on that one and that lost count. I only wear dresses to work, except on Fridays, so it's safe to say that I do indeed wear dresses frequently, though perhaps not half the year. 

50 RECIPES 

I got up to about 20 before losing count. There were a couple that have made it permanently to our cooking roster. Chicken Tikka Masala - from scratch not a jar. Homemade Buttermilk biscuits - that includes a super trick to getting the wonderful flakiness expectant of the biscuit. And more recently I made an entire traditional English fruitcake complete with homemade marzipan and royal icing. It was a feat, lemme tell ya. I was so super stressed making the marzipan and royal icing I'm pretty sure my husband thought I'd gone completely mental, especially for something that no one really wanted to eat (except me; I LOVE me some fruitcake). But it was so SO worth it and I'll definitely do it again next year ... though I may halve the recipe. 

24 BOOKS 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is where I completely exceeded expectations. I read 36 books this year. Thirty-six!!! And man alive did it feel good! I have been lucky enough to have been part of a book club this year and it's been so wonderful discussing fantastic books and also rereading some of my favorites for myself as well as discovering new ones. I may publish a full list at some point but I want to mention just a couple that I absolutely adore and will read and reread and recommend to anyone who asks. First, kids books. I've always read aloud to my kids, waaaaay before they could talk or hold a book and so this wasn't really a new concept for me except now the girls get to pick some of the books that go in our nightly sessions. We alternate and because of that I've read some wonderful children's books. We read all of the Chronicles of Narnia together and listened to the dramatized version on Audible when we took our long road trip. These stories are just wonderful and I know we'll return to them again and again. Whenever anyone ask me for a good elementary level chapter book my first answer is always and resoundingly FRINDLE! Andrew Clements has written such a compelling and beautiful story in this book and this is another that I will return to again. For a little adventure look no further than The Green Ember Series the second installment was published this year through a Kickstarter campaign and recommend that when the 3rd comes out you all do the same ("my place beside you...."). We read loads of other books too but these ones really resonated. In addition I read a good mix of fiction and nonfiction. Finally read Till We Have Faces and just loved it (I'm pretty positive this will be my pick for my book choice in book club). A co-worker recommend Gilead which was so hauntingly beautiful I added it to my wish-list. And finally, you guys, I read The Hiding Place. Oh my stars. This book. THIS book. I returned my copy to the library and immediately purchased a copy because it is that important that we own this book. Corrie ten Boom's voice is so positive and so strong and despite all the hardships and difficulties she and her family faced remained so hopeful that I can hardly keep from tearing up even now. It was a great book year for me and I hope to continue this trend into 2017. 

The next 7 or so resolutions had to do with SEWING and sadly I did not do much in this area. I have almost completed two cross-stitch projects (almost) and I did almost finish a dress for myself (can't figure out the darn sleeves). But I severely lacked in the sewing department this year. 

Also I fell off the no SODA wagon but will try again. 

PROJECT LIFE 

I did surprisingly well here and just placed an order for more prints to finish out the year. I'm pretty much completely caught up. Woot woot! (I totally raised the roof there, not gonna lie). 

SEWING SPACE 

I bought a desk which was really all that was entailed in the sewing space and I organized everything into a nice big pink bin when we moved so it looks good, even if I was a slacker and didn't do much with it. 

GAMES W/DA HUSBAND

I don't think we did every week consistently, in fact I know we didn't do EVERY week, but we did put the technology and TV away a lot more and spent more quality time with each other playing games. This is also evident in our Christmas purchases to each other - we each got the other a chess set. I bought him a traditional wooden set and he got me Wizard chess (we got A LOT of much appreciated board games this year and have already played most nights since). This is one that I think we'll definitely continue and this year I'm going to beat him at chess! 

And finally MOVE. 

Yep. Definitely did that. In a big way. 

Wow, if you made it this far, you are super! So that was 2016 goals broken down. In addition to those goals a lot else happened. We all had birthdays. I got to travel home to the UK for a week. We all got to travel across the country and moved to a wonderful city. I received full-time employment (it was a bit touchy there). We all get to spend much more time with cousins and extended family. I read A LOT. We added Picket, an English Springer, to the family. And many bumps, bruises, and big smiles all year round. Thanks to you all for reading a little bit about me and my likes here. 

I don't yet have a concrete idea of what I want 2017 to look like. I've been intrigued by the one word year philosophies but I just don't think that's something I can do. I just love making resolutions and having a goal to work toward even if I don't end up doing half of them. Making a list is much more my style. I'll leave you with this cliff hanger and then we'll see where 2017 takes us - Shakespeare and Flannery O'Connor. 

Happy New Year! 

Follow the sat nav

Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

I've missed writing and getting thoughts from my head through my fingers to the page. Things have not gone as planned. Do they ever?

I wrote the first two paragraphs of this post a couple weeks ago and although my sentiments have changed slightly, I would like to keep the authenticity of the original post intact. So they remain just as they were (I've put them in italics for the sake of differentiation).

Originally, I had written a whole slew of welcome back posts complete with all my grand intentions of homeschooling and being a stay-at-home mom, finally. But God had other plans. My religion is very close to my heart and I struggle to put into words what my thoughts and feelings are. I'm still pretty raw and entirely overwhelmed by the blessings and the trials I have experienced in the last two weeks. It hasn't all be bad, not at all, but last week I just about cried for one reason or another every day. But I know the Lord is good. And that whatever plan He has for me and my family is a better plan than I can imagine, though it may not look how I think it should look.

We moved across the country. In our family, a move isn't a move unless it's across the country or the ocean. So we're thousands of miles away from routines and home and all things familiar. I have a terrible, truly terrible, sense of direction so I've been using the sat nav to get everywhere. But isn't that how it goes - on earth as it is in heaven? I'm new here. So I need guidance - temporally and spiritually. When we arrived on earth, tiny and indefensible didn't we need guidance? Our parents did everything for us because we could do very little for ourselves. As we grow, the need for guidance doesn't disappear, it just changes and as a perpetual child of God, I need continual guidance.

Picking up from where I left off all those weeks ago, we moved. And I needed the sat nav. And I made a connection to God's plan through the need for a sat nav. AND now I've taken that sat nav story and run a half marathon with it (a half marathon btw is on my never-bucket list, I am so not a runner). But, please continue...

In the beginning it's quite easy to follow the path that the sat nav tells us because we don't know the way, so we place all our faith in route we are told in direction-by-directionally based pieces. We haven't had the chance to look around and get our own sense of direction including shortcuts, and stop-overs. We aren't distracted by the possibility of other routes. Or Target. As I got more and more comfortable driving, I trusted the sat nav less and less. I have no reason not to trust the machine, although I am warned that the map is out of date, and given my directionally-challenged nature, I should be much more wary of where my brain is telling me I should go rather than the sat nav. However, I found that I would question the directions. I would double check the overview and triple check the address before trusting, having faith that this device would get me where I needed to go.

The scriptures (and if you're LDS, the prophets) are like our sat navs. They are filled, programed (in keeping with the sat nav analogy) with the correct routes for us to follow. The test of our faith is whether we trust their directions and follow them even after we "know" the way.

I have lately realized that not only has my reliance on the sat nav decreased, but also my speed has increased. I started of trepidatious, unsure of what the speed limits were and keeping a close eye on available road signs. As my comfort with the road increased, so did my speed. For one thing the flow of traffic is quicker than I'm used to - and to be fair, there aren't many clearly posted limits. However, this analogy has to do with sin rather than faith. When we're comfortable stretching our limits in one area, it easily transfers to other areas. When I'm lax in my temporal experiences, I am usually being lax in my spiritual upkeep as well and not doing all that I should to follow God's promptings and keep His commandments. Wo, unto those who are at ease in Zion, or something like that. When I'm not paying my full attention - to the road, to my children, to my spouse, or my scriptures - that is when things start to slip through the cracks and the toddler takes a sharpie to the wall.

But what does all this have to do with Rose & Toast? I dunno. But I needed to write them. Things, life, don't always turn out how we plan them and this space is a perfect, world-class, fantastic example of that. It has had so many incarnations with no set direction or organization or consistency other than it's all my writing. I don't know when I'll write again. I don't know what I'll write again. But chances are I'll write. Again and again.

I'll keep writing. 

#Hallelujah

Last night, we had a special Easter presentation at our church. We were moved around different rooms that depicted scenes from Holy Week, Christ's last week. We began waving palm branches and shouting "Hosanna" for His triumphal entry into Jerusalem where He was hailed Messiah; through the Last Supper; the Garden of Gethsemane; His trial, beating, and mocking; the Crucifixion; and finally two of my kiddos helped "roll the stone away" to see that "He is not here." 

It was an incredible visual and my kids all responded to different elements -- the images of Christ, the singing, the stories, etc. It was a long but beautiful night where we gained a clearer understanding of what those days may have felt like. How He suffered. How He lives. The final hymn we sang was "He is Risen" and every time I get a catch in my throat. It's just so incredible to me to know that the Savior died for my sins (and your sins) and that He not only died for us but He lives for us. He Lives!

I love this video for so many reasons, the most important being that it's like a "Where's Waldo" of famous LDS singers. So far I've found Alex Boye, Peter Hollens, and Donny Osmond. David Archuleta has to be in there somewhere, right? Who can you find?

Have a very happy Easter, my friends! Hallelujah! 

Sewing Space

In the evening on New Year's Day, Husband and I sat down to discuss the goals that we were going to try to accomplish for the year. Yep, that's right, you guys knew my goals before he did and yes, we were a bit late in discussing them NYD rather than NYE. He knew most of my goals through passing conversations, but that night we sat down and discussed them in detail, so we would know how to help each other accomplish those goals.

If you read my list, you will remember that "create a sewing space" was number 14 on that list and I am happy to report: Mission Accomplished. 

We needed to go to IKEA to purchase some additional seating -- one love seat for six people just wasn't cutting it anymore. We bought their Poang chair. (Note on the price: Our chair was much cheaper than what is listed, perhaps site prices differ, I'm not sure, but we did not pay that much.) Oh, boy do we love it. It's comfy and it bounces, and I love the darker stain of the wood. We had originally planned on buying a fancy-cushy arm chair but we ended up really liking this one (and the price tag wasn't bad either). Since we had already planned on spending extra money, Husband suggested I get a desk for my sewing machine since it was part of my resolutions to have a designated sewing space. Now, I'm not advocating for spending money unnecessarily. In fact that is one of our family goals for the year, to spend and save wisely. But the timing was so perfect, we went ahead and bought the desk (and still managed to come in under budget).

I've spent the majority of my two sewing years moving between the kitchen table and a little end table and the sofa. It works fine and I was able to sew, but even in one day of having this desk I have finished one project and made headway on another. It's so nice not having to pack everything away because everything is already right there and I can sew in spurts rather than having to carve out a huge chunk of time. The drawers are filled with most of my notions -- pins, scissors, thread, bobbins, etc. -- and the cupboard holds my iron and a few WIPs. I'm still in the living room and have warned the kiddos that this is mama's space so not to touch. We'll see how long it lasts. 

It's not much in the way decorations, but I'll build it up in time. For now, it's nice to have my own little piece-of-a-wall sewing space.

16 in 2016

I love making goals. I'm not always so great at the follow-through but I love the potential that each goal carries. Last year, I tried to do something slightly different. I wanted to split my goals by month. Have a different theme following each month and just try to find the joy in making. I didn't succeed very well. None of my goals were really tangible. Quantifiable. That being the case, my accountability flew out the window and I did not accomplish much.

This coming year will hopefully be very different. I constructed a tracker in my journal/planner that will hold me very much accountable and I am really excited to begin ticking things off my list and coloring in boxes.

The LIST:

1. SRT 365 days of truth (find the plan here) // 2. Wear dresses for half the year or 184 days // 3. Try 50 new recipes (I did this one way back in 2012 when we were living in Glasgow and loved it) // 4. Read 24 books // 5. Make 6 dresses for the girls, 3 each // 6. Make 4 shirts for the boys, 2 each // 7. Sew 2 dresses for myself // 8. One completed quilt (start to finish in 2016, the already started ones from this year do not count) // 9. Learn to knit, start with a scarf or potholder or socks // 10. No soda // 11. Knit a Baa-ble hat // 12. Knit a Weasley Christmas vest // 13. Project life for 2016 // 14. Create a sewing space // 15. Weekly game night with Husband // 16. Move!

Sidebar: Number 16 is purposely ambiguous. I don't know where. I don't know how. (...but I know something's starting right now, watch and you'll see, soon I will be, part of your world) Okay, now that's out of the way (please tell me you sang along) I really have no details as to that one, it's just something that I think/hope might just happen, big or small, here or there.

Things that didn't make the cut: any type of photography goal (project life doesn't really count). I struggle with making goals when it comes to my photography. Someday I would love to have a business and I had a lot of fun shooting my niece and my friend's family. One of the coolest 2015 experiences was seeing a photo I had taken on a Christmas card that wasn't my own. I'd also like to do a 365, but man alive that pressure gets to me and my stomach ends up in knots // any type of weight loss, I just don't think I am ready to commit to that type of goal, food is definitely a source of comfort and although I know it's important to be healthy and lose the boys' (yep I still haven't lost Little Man's) baby weight, I just don't think I can, I would fail and that would be worse I think  // I do want to include some sort of financial goal but not quite sure how, I don't want to set a savings goal because it feels like inviting karma to do something nasty like rupture my husband's appendix and have really nasty side effects following surgery that we'll be paying off for months. I would like to budget better, but I don't think that needs to be on the 2016 list, it should just be done.

Do you like making goals for the New Year?

2015 wrap up

I love wrap up posts. I love seeing the year in a snapshot. I love reliving the magical moments, the hysterical moments, the ordinary moments, the ta-dah moments, the duh moments, all the moments. 2015 was a heck of a year for us filled with an awful lot of down, but also some pretty spectacular ups.

Baby boy was born at the beginning of the year which is by far the biggest UP and definitely sustained me through the rest of the year. This baby is such a mellow, happy, joyful little soul and his birth was pretty much the perfect birthing experience, you know except for all the pain at the very end. He has never been much of a fusser and loves to be surrounded by his people, unless they get too rowdy and in his face then he lets them know it. He is determined too (just like Wookie. It's so amusing and interesting to see the similarities and differences in each of my children.) So tremendously grateful for this little guy coming into our family.

Opportunity doors slammed shut in both March and June (and October but that one wasn't as big as a surprise as the first two). Somewhere there's a window and we are still searching.

Poor husband lost an organ (appendix) the day of Nins's birthday party, but luckily (miraculously) a whole slew of family were in town (for said party) and kept the kids entertained and Husband company. We took the chance (after he was released from the hospital) to spend a wonderful, magical day at Bear Lake. My poor shoulders are still sunburned, which is only a slight exaggeration, British skin and all that.

I got a slight promotion at work and began in a different department (which leaves 5 down 5 to go (just kidding...sort of). There was a pretty steep learning curve and a big difference in workflow but I am finally getting the hang of it. Husband published two books (and they're available through Amazon) and is working hard writing more. I love this series and am so proud of him. He's home with the kids all day and still manages not only to write and read for himself, but is teaching the kiddos so much. Little Man is so quick and keeping up with Wookie, which is huge. Eleven months means a lot at this stage and he's super sharp. So sharp that playing Uno with him around is problematic because he shouts out the colors of your cards. They are all great learners. Which brings us to school.

School was a big and exciting change this year and with school clearly glasses are necessary, right? Nins loves going to school. She has a fantastic teacher and I really love the administration. They've made the transition from homeschool so easy and I'm so grateful. Fall brought football in all it's glory. Thanksgiving at my parents, Christmas at home, Boxing day and New Year's in Idaho (two months in 14 words).

This year I haven't done nearly as much sewing or stitching as I had intended but I did read quite a few books. Twenty-one for the year. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. If I had to choose, my favorites were My Antonia, It's What I Do, Marius Briggs & the Bonnie Pretender, and Heidi. Really of the whole list, there was only one I didn't like. Several of these books were the product of reading to the big kids in the evenings. I am loving this nighttime routine. We're on book three in the Chronicles of Narnia currently.

As far as sewing goes, I did finish one quilt. I also sewed five Geranium dresses. And finished crocheting a blanket (I completely forgot about it until I was review pictures). I am excited for the quilts and clothes that will come out of 2016.

R & R

I did almost zero crafting last week. One kiddo got a bit sick and needed to be "quarantined" from the other kiddos. Baby is getting another tooth and going through a growth spurt. All of this together, at the same time has been rough. I definitely hit a rut with crafting. Did I take on too much? Maybe. Did I lose a bit of inspiration? Yep. Did I read two books instead of taking out Lady Jane? You know it.

For some reason, I struggle, a lot, with the balance between reading vs. crafting. Why is there a struggle, you may ask. That crazy little construct; that thing we all wish we had more of; that fleeting element that the more children I have seems to disappear before I know what I'm doing. Time.

Plus, I love me some books. Truly, ask my mum to show you a video of when the final HP came in from Amazon (on second thought don't, because it's really embarrassing, just know that I love books and made quite a ruckus when she announced that the package had arrived and then spent the rest of the day consumed in words).  But, I also love me some crafting. That sentence is actually quite hard to write, but I don't think I can deny it any more: I love crafting. I struggle and am at my most humble when in front of the sewing machine but I'm also super duper excited when things go right. Or even if they go wrong my family tells me it (whatever it may be) looks great. The girls love their dresses and the other day at church someone asked me where I got them. Biggest compliment EVER!

I work 40 hours a week. I like my job; I like to think I'm good at my job. But that's 8 hours out of every day (8 of which are for sleeping) so that's 16 hours already eaten up. Plus, having four children eats up a lot of time. In an amazingly great way, but once they are asleep I only really have 2 hours to be with my husband, finish up an extra chores, Netflix binge, craft or read. I don't have a designated sewing space so sometimes it honestly feels like more of a chore to get everything out and set up, sew for an hour and a half just to put it all away again. It gets tiring. And I'm already tired. Plus, I haven't figured out how to read and stitch and sew at the same time. Really, what I'm saying is that I have no finished projects. BUT I have several almost finished projects.

The other thing I can say is that of the Wrinkle in Time series I think that Swiftly Tilting Planet may just be my favorite. I love the complexity of characters and the plot and the relationships between Meg and Charles Wallace and everyone else. Connection. Human connection. It was nice to be reminded that in one way or another we are all connected. 

Sweet 'n' Sour

T'other night we had the most amazing sunset! The sky literally looked like it was on fire. My first gut reaction was - 'holy crap it's the apocalypse' - and my second reaction was to grab the camera. It was just so beautiful -- so much so that we pulled Nins out of bed and made her watch as the rain began to fall. The combination of dark gray sky mixed with bright orange that swiftly transitioned to pink and purple was mesmerizing and I snapped away in the rain trying to capture on camera what my eyes were seeing.

The sunset reminded me that life is sweet; life is good. Oftentimes, I forget the sweetness and dwell heavily on sourness instead. An eternal pessimist, as some would say. It's so easy to get caught on the pity party train that I sometimes unpack my bags and stay for a while. I am trying, some days are more successful than others, to redirect my focus. I need to pull out my rose colored specs and take a stroll about town. A filter isn't always a bad thing.

For perspectives sake, I want to just remind myself of the sweet 'n' sour and how they mix together like the gray and orange of the sunset to produce a beautiful image and a good, good life.

- Oh, the babies! I have had four pregnancies and three babies in four years! Yowza! No wonder my hormones get a bit fritzy now and then. I am so immensely grateful for my children. Each and every one of them teaches me something new about the world and I love getting glimpses of how they think it should and could operate. I am constantly amazed by how they communicate with one another and how I see so many similarities between them yet so many differences. I adore being their mother.

- Constantly moving! None of the aforementioned babies were born in the same city. Wookie and Little Man are 11 months, 2 weeks apart and they were not born in the same city. Let's just have that sink in for a moment. Little Man and Chubs are 2 years apart and even they weren't born in the same city. In those same four years, we have lived in Idaho, Scotland, Idaho again, Virginia and Utah. That's five moves in four years, one trans-Atlantic and one across the country and back again. Phew! I wish I could say that I have loved living in all those places, and I think as time goes I am beginning to realize the blessings we received while there, wherever that may be.

- Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow! Always and forever my home will be Glasgow. I may find other homes along the way, but Glasgow was the first place that I was truly stretched and pulled into a better person. Because of Glasgow, I got to go to Paris, and Dublin, and Iceland and fuel my apparently insatiable bug for travel. Because of Glasgow, I have a Master's degree in a fascinating field. Because of Glasgow, I experienced labor au natural, not by choice, mind you, but vowed to do it again (missed the boat with Little Man but managed it with Chubs). Because of Glasgow, I am committed to seeking a path full of wonder and hardness that will refine myself and my family to be forged of invisible steel.

- Virginia Sweet Virginia. VA is always calling my name only to spit me right back out again. I spent an academic year at a small, rural liberal arts college in the pink bubble of VA. It was an interesting and intense time filled with magic and charm, monsters and chaos. For one reason or another, I chose not to return. Fast forward 6 years: Sweet Virginia called me back only to eject me after three months. We experienced a lot in those few, short months: We traveled to DC, Chesapeake Bay, and explored the city of Richmond.

- Debt reduction. Without going into too many details, we have been able to pay off debt. By the grace of God, we have managed to stay afloat financially through unemployment, more schooling, underemployment, and possibly even more schooling. Not only have we stayed afloat but we have reduced some of our debts. We are eternally grateful to each and every person who has ever helped us out financially. Someday, I hope to repay the kindness.

- Presently! I live in a state I had vowed growing up I would never ever in a million years live. Here, I have been stretched in a lot of ways too, admittedly though, it often feels like flattening rather than stretching. I have been humbled. I have been terrified. I have been defeated. I am slowly being brought back up (I hope). I'm sure I'm learning something but since I'm in the thick of it, I'm still not sure what that lesson is or more accurately lessons are yet. Maybe in a few years, I'll look back on my time here and smile. After all Mr. Chubs-man was born here and that is definitely a thing to smile about.

Treading water

I have a serious case of the funks.

I am working on a blanket and am so ridiculously close to finishing but somehow keep mismanaging time to actually get it completed. For my birthday, I got a pattern that I am so excited to try, plus numerous modifications are playing around in my brain. I'm working on an embroidery piece that isn't turning out quite how I imagined. The 50 States quilt is being made with snail-like progress but at least all the current patterns are traced and ready for needle and thread. I want to give knitting a go because I have found at least two patterns that I must try but am terrified because two needles seems much more daunting than one hook. All this in addition to the normal - husband, kids, homeschooling, work, cooking, sleep - and the abnormal - the last few weeks have been a mental mind suck. So many metaphorical bombs were dropped that in refuge copious amounts of ice cream were consumed (Ben and Jerry's "Everything But The..." did a great job consoling). I've been a bit slow to recover from the carnage of said bombs.

Alas, time moves forward and my list of things to-do keeps growing much too quickly and all the plans of posts that I want to publish (you should see my drafts page) get pushed to the back-burner every single time, because I actually need the time to finish and photograph all the aforementioned projects. Soon. Soon my act will be gotten together and consistent posts will be published. Soon I will progress in all my crafting endeavors. Soon I will discover a time turner. Soon. Until then.

Crimson Trail

The canyon boasts extensive and varying landscapes as we discovered in our attempt to hike the Crimson trail. The trail starts as a nature walk along the river, filled with cat tails, hyper-green moss, wooded forests, floating ducks, and birdsong. After about a mile or so, the trail does a 180 at a steep incline, weaving above the tree-line and into the rocky limestone mountain. The path itself changes from standard dirt to loose rocks; the views are nothing short of beautiful, though thighs will be burning.

On this particular day, I had Baby Boy strapped to my front and a pack laden with food, water, and hot chocolate on my back. Not the best idea. I felt off-balance and unsure of my footing so we turned back before completing the trail. Although after a closer look at the guide, I can honestly say that I have no idea where we were. There are so many paths that converge and diverge that it is highly possible we were on an entirely different trail.

The girls did wonderfully. They climbed the whole way with little assistance and very minimal complaints and Little Man traveled in his pack pointing out all the things he found interesting. The weather turned cold as we returned to the car so we lunched from within the confines of our van. It proceeded to snow upon arrival home. It's been the strangest winter I have ever experienced. We've had mild summer temperatures in the morning and snow in the afternoon. I suppose I am glad that I get the best of both worlds: a wonderful hike in the morning and soup and snuggles in the evening.

Confession

In the last four weeks, I have picked up my crochet hook exactly once. The sewing machine hasn't been turned on, and the fabric for my husband's quilt lies carefully folded in my craft box waiting for me to have enough time (and energy) to pull it out and begin embroidery work again. Sharp needles and infants don't exactly mix well, and currently I'd much rather snuggle the infant.

What have I been up to then? 

Snuggling baby boy, teaching the oldest her lessons, washing dishes, cleaning dirt off floors and faces, building a railroad with the rascals, reading countless renditions of "We're going on a bear hunt," gathering various sticks and pinecones, listening to loud renditions of cops and robbers, dreaming aloud with my husband, folding laundry, picking up toys, remembering College Algebra (no easy task), changing umpteen diapers, sweeping the kitchen, drinking in our early spring, and cherishing this most precious time.

Please bear with me as I reevaluate (yet again) what this space is to be used for. My intention is still to craft though with four children under eight it won't be as often as originally planned. Perhaps delving into my real, messy, haphazard, wonderful life is better suited to the current situation. 

Happiness for 2015

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light - Albus Dumbledore

We determine our own happiness, individually I mean. My husband can't make me happy. My children can't make me happy. I need to make me happy. Over the course of this year, I read (and listened to, thanks Audible) Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project and Happier at Home. (You can find my review of the first book here and podcast show notes for the second near the bottom of the page.) Rubin uses a straightforward tone, as expected from a former lawyer, to reassure and inspire that her happiness project is feasible to all who wish to partake. She outlines what works for her and gives loads of useful and practical suggestions for accomplishing goals and becoming happier overall. She maintains that this project should be tailored to the individual by understanding what actually makes you happy and unhappy.

My own happiness project for 2015 is going to look a little bit different than Rubin's because I'm tailoring it to me and I'm not Gretchen Rubin. I've been going back and forth between what to share and not to share in this little space of mine, and for now I'll stick to crafting and develop Rose & Toast in that direction. Starting a blog leaves so much open not only for criticism but also for community, and since I am in fact a three-dimensional character (or in other words a human being) I have more likes and dislikes than yarn, fabric, and floss. However, I want to develop this creative area of my life (for my own personal happiness as well as possibly my family's) and hope that I have something to contribute to the crafting world at large. My hope is that you'll join me on this journey as I muddle my way through.

Quick recap of 2014:

I started the blog in September. Woohoo! Since I started quite a bit later in the year a few projects didn't get documented and I don't have photo documentation so you're going to just have to take my word that they did in fact get completed.

- 3 crochet blankets 

Daisy | Baby Ripple | Granny Square 

R2D2 Halloween costume 

- 4 quilts 

Wee Wander (x 2) | Rocket man | Stars

Car seat cover (using the fabric featured above) 

I also made several hats including Captain America themed, Alabama, Jayne Cobb x 2, Mickey Mouse x 2, and various other knick-knacks. 

Now as we ring in the glorious New Year, I plan on being much more diligent about documenting projects in all their various stages. I hope you all had a fantastic 2014, and here's to an even brighter, happier 2015! 

St. Lucia's

Several generations ago, Husband's family immigrated from Sweden. We are lucky enough to have his fourth Great-grandfather's autobiography/journal that details his trip from the family farm in Sweden to his schooling in Denmark and then onto work in the United States. This year I wanted to focus more on traditions than presents and our Swedish family heritage seemed like a wonderful place to start.

The sentiment of St. Lucia's day is a magical one, filled with goodness, light, and charity, perfect for heralding in the joy of Christmas. Lucia (meaning light) was a Christian woman condemned to death for refusing a Pagan husband, before her martyrdom she also donated all her money to feed the poor, or so the legend says. In Scandinavian culture, St. Lucia's Day is celebrated on the 13th of December, the original Winter Solstice, with the oldest daughter dressing up as Lucia, in a white dress for purity, a red sash for martyrdom, an evergreen crown topped with candles. Typically, she rises before the rest of the family and serves bread and coffee.

We mixed it up a little to fit what we were actually capable of doing but still keeping to the tradition. The girls made paper crowns after the fashion of the evergreen wreath by gluing holly leaves and red berries to a construction paper band. They made star sugar cookies to deliver to our neighbors and sang carols instead of the usually Sanka Lucia hymn, which I'm hoping to learn for next year. For dinner, we ate the traditional Julbord with roast beef, cheese, bread and butter, pickles, and the left over sugar cookies, which aren't exactly traditional but they are delicious.

GREAT grandma

Husband's Grandma passed away last week. It was not at all expected and quite sudden, we had just seen her on Thanksgiving and talked to her a few days before she was taken to the hospital. She was eighty-three and ready to go, but she will be dearly missed by us all.

This feisty "polar bear" (as she endearingly called herself to my kiddos) is the reason I started getting into crafts in the first place. She is the reason I know how to hem and patch pants. She is the reason I became even remotely interested in quilting and later crochet, which then led to embroidery and cross-stitch. All because this amazing woman shared her talent and her time.

For our wedding (actually a few months after, but that's entirely different story for an entirely different day), she gave us our amazing quilt. It is by far my most prized material possession and it has literally traveled over oceans with us. I don't think it has ever left our bed, except when one (or more) of us is sick, then it lives on the couch with us. The colors magically work and it is such the perfect combination of Husband and I with plaid flannel mixed with roses.

The last time we saw her I was terrified that my kids would destroy her living room. She told me in her very matter-of-fact, no-nonsense way, "If a house is not fit for kids, it's not fit for much." I am so grateful that she took the time to make this treasure for us and am even more grateful now for the knowledge, love and wisdom she shared.

Ordinary Day

Normal day! Holding it in my hand this one moment, i have come to see it as more than an ordinary rock. it is a gem, a jewel...normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart. let me not pass you by in a quest for some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so. One day i shall...want more than all the world your return. And then i will know what I now am guessing: that you are, indeed, a common rock, and not a jewel, but that a common rock made of the very mass substance of the earth in all its strength and plenty puts a gem to shame. 
-Mary Jean Irion

I couldn't sleep last night. I lay down twice but to no avail. The brain would not stop racing. Got up to write down the thoughts that plagued my little computer brain in hopes that having them on paper would soften their voices and allow me to sleep. It worked, sort of.

These days, though filled with Christmas festivities and preparations for festivities including visitors, are still ordinary days. Part of why my mind is racing so much is because of the run up for the new year. I love making resolutions, goals, and planning projects. The idea of a "new me" thrills and excites me. 2015 could bring anything and I see this as the year that I can do any and all the things. However, in my old age (ha!), I'm coming to the realization that I am what I am.

Linda Eyre writes in her book, I didn't plan to be a witch, that children are seeds to be nourished, not clay to be molded. I am still a child, just an older one. Just because I have my own children does not mean that I cease to require nourishment; we all stand in need of nourishment. In order to fully comprehend where I need nourished, I need to find where I lack. This can only be found within the ordinary day. 

Mornings are not my friend, never have been, probably never will be, but this is where the ordinary day starts. Morning. Currently, it's cold and dark, even at 7:30 am, but that little fact does not deter children from waking up whenever they darn well please. Little man is pretty consistent at 6, such a morning lark which is hard for this night owl, and Wookie is not long after. Nins stumbles out whenever she hears parental movement and not a moment sooner (she's been trained well). Lately, sugar cereal has been the poison of choice, partly for convenience and partly because I'm just that lazy. My car pool gets me at 8:30 and the idea of leaving a sink full of dishes for husband to wash makes me feel like a horrible person so three bowls it is.

Then the daily 8 hour work day, 5 days a week. I enjoy my work mostly and think the people are pretty great, but it's a bit of a source of dissatisfaction. You see, I miss my children. (In my humble opinion) I should be home, raising, nurturing, and rearing each one of them. My husband does a fantastic job and truly is an AMAZING father. I cannot shout his praises loud enough, but we both would prefer a situation where our roles were reversed. In our current state, it doesn't seem possible (though I remind myself daily that through God all things are possible AND for those who remember the Brandy version of Cinderella Whitney Houston sings the "Impossible" song, Youtube it, you'll be glad you did). Impossible things happen every day. Every ordinary day.

In my restlessness, I wrote: I cannot wait around for "someday"... someday when my babies are older, someday when they are not whining, someday when we are rich, someday when I'm not working, someday when I'm not pregnant, someday when the weather is nice...because "someday" will NEVER come. Someday must become TOday. Not at the expense of shirking responsibilities, bills need paid and children need fed, but who's stopping us from hiking? camping? (things on my husband's "living list") eating pancakes for breakfast? following our dreams? ME! I am. By pushing things off to "someday," I am responsible for not creating those memories or the unfulfillment (made up word) of my own dreams. Denzel Washington said that "Dreams without goals remain dreams, just dreams, and ultimately fuel disappointment." Achieving goals requires discipline and consistency, two traits I sorely lack.

I don't want my dreams to remain dreams. My marriage and each of my children are dreams come true. They are my greatest blessings, which is easy to forget because they require a lot of work each and every single day. It is my hope to cease my quest for a perfect tomorrow, for the quintessential someday, and revel in the gift that today brings while still actively striving toward my goals and dreams. One ordinary day at a time.