Monday, August 17, 2015
Sweet 'n' Sour
T'other night we had the most amazing sunset! The sky literally looked like it was on fire. My first gut reaction was - 'holy crap it's the apocalypse' - and my second reaction was to grab the camera. It was just so beautiful -- so much so that we pulled Nins out of bed and made her watch as the rain began to fall. The combination of dark gray sky mixed with bright orange that swiftly transitioned to pink and purple was mesmerizing and I snapped away in the rain trying to capture on camera what my eyes were seeing.
The sunset reminded me that life is sweet; life is good. Oftentimes, I forget the sweetness and dwell heavily on sourness instead. An eternal pessimist, as some would say. It's so easy to get caught on the pity party train that I sometimes unpack my bags and stay for a while. I am trying, some days are more successful than others, to redirect my focus. I need to pull out my rose colored specs and take a stroll about town. A filter isn't always a bad thing.
For perspectives sake, I want to just remind myself of the sweet 'n' sour and how they mix together like the gray and orange of the sunset to produce a beautiful image and a good, good life.
- Oh, the babies! I have had four pregnancies and three babies in four years! Yowza! No wonder my hormones get a bit fritzy now and then. I am so immensely grateful for my children. Each and every one of them teaches me something new about the world and I love getting glimpses of how they think it should and could operate. I am constantly amazed by how they communicate with one another and how I see so many similarities between them yet so many differences. I adore being their mother.
- Constantly moving! None of the aforementioned babies were born in the same city. Wookie and Little Man are 11 months, 2 weeks apart and they were not born in the same city. Let's just have that sink in for a moment. Little Man and Chubs are 2 years apart and even they weren't born in the same city. In those same four years, we have lived in Idaho, Scotland, Idaho again, Virginia and Utah. That's five moves in four years, one trans-Atlantic and one across the country and back again. Phew! I wish I could say that I have loved living in all those places, and I think as time goes I am beginning to realize the blessings we received while there, wherever that may be.
- Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow! Always and forever my home will be Glasgow. I may find other homes along the way, but Glasgow was the first place that I was truly stretched and pulled into a better person. Because of Glasgow, I got to go to Paris, and Dublin, and Iceland and fuel my apparently insatiable bug for travel. Because of Glasgow, I have a Master's degree in a fascinating field. Because of Glasgow, I experienced labor au natural, not by choice, mind you, but vowed to do it again (missed the boat with Little Man but managed it with Chubs). Because of Glasgow, I am committed to seeking a path full of wonder and hardness that will refine myself and my family to be forged of invisible steel.
- Virginia Sweet Virginia. VA is always calling my name only to spit me right back out again. I spent an academic year at a small, rural liberal arts college in the pink bubble of VA. It was an interesting and intense time filled with magic and charm, monsters and chaos. For one reason or another, I chose not to return. Fast forward 6 years: Sweet Virginia called me back only to eject me after three months. We experienced a lot in those few, short months: We traveled to DC, Chesapeake Bay, and explored the city of Richmond.
- Debt reduction. Without going into too many details, we have been able to pay off debt. By the grace of God, we have managed to stay afloat financially through unemployment, more schooling, underemployment, and possibly even more schooling. Not only have we stayed afloat but we have reduced some of our debts. We are eternally grateful to each and every person who has ever helped us out financially. Someday, I hope to repay the kindness.
- Presently! I live in a state I had vowed growing up I would never ever in a million years live. Here, I have been stretched in a lot of ways too, admittedly though, it often feels like flattening rather than stretching. I have been humbled. I have been terrified. I have been defeated. I am slowly being brought back up (I hope). I'm sure I'm learning something but since I'm in the thick of it, I'm still not sure what that lesson is or more accurately lessons are yet. Maybe in a few years, I'll look back on my time here and smile. After all Mr. Chubs-man was born here and that is definitely a thing to smile about.