Friday, October 6, 2017

Timshel... thou mayest



It only took me just under a year to finish this book, not for any lack of enjoyment, rather a lack of frame of mind. To read Steinbeck, I have to be in a certain frame of mind, which is unfortunate as I desperately wanted to finish this book. And I did; it just took much longer than I liked.

A long, long time ago, in a city far, far away, I chose this book for my book club read. I made it halfway through and still ran a rather interesting discussion on the book. Obviously aspects of good and evil were brought up, right vs. wrong, and a thorough dissection of human nature. All three members of the R.A.D. book club were English majors and librarian-ish (only one a full-fledged faculty member) and each of us had pretty definite opinions on Steinbeck (and Hemingway for that matter). Personally, I loved East of Eden. Absolutely LOVED. Five stars on Goodreads loved. Which doesn't happen very often, at least not anymore. While I was preparing for the discussion, I came across a review from a fellow Goodreads patron in which she said, "Steinbeck is the zucchini bread of the literary world: not appealing if forced onto you by well-meaning grownups, but every crumb is scrumptious when you give it a chance on your own time."

Nail. *Hit* Head. 

I vaguely remember struggling through The Grapes of Wrath in high school but other than the dirt, remember little else. I had several well-meaning English teachers who would force feed novels that were sublime, classic, stretching, and expect a pubescent girl only really interested in boys, I am ashamed to say, to respond with awe. Well, with awe I did not respond. And I went on to study English, for goodness sakes. One teacher in particular (God Bless you Mr. Kittle) was very strict and had uncommonly high expectations, but he also didn't pick "ordinary" books. There was no reading of War and Peace for my AP Lit class (though I'm looking to tackle that in the near-ish future). No sir. No ma'am. We read the likes of Ishmael, Utopia, and watched the Reduced Shakespeare Company. Read current events and were quizzed. Wrote local opinion pieces for the newspaper where our writing was examined under his critical but kind microscope. I learned more in one year than the other three combined, unfortunately. Certainly this has more to do with me than my teachers. I fondly remember those teachers and all that they tried to teach me, but outside the classrooms, high school was a ridiculous place, with ridiculous values, and ridiculous hair. It's all my own fault, my education, or my own perceived lack of it. There is so much of the written word I haven't read and haven't loved because my attentions were focused elsewhere. Even in college (remember my utter lack of Shakespeare education the whole reason I'm looking to study him now), and I'm slowly attempting to fill the holes that are missing.

And that is sort of what Steinbeck is about. Sure I'm trivializing perhaps his greatest work and comparing his masterpiece with my own life story, but isn't that what literature is for? To take our narrow self-written evaluation and compare and contrast it with the lives of others whether through fiction or non. I'm living my story, and occasionally writing about it. Fiction helps me understand certain particulars of my own narrative. Ursula Le Guin has said, "All fiction offers us a world we can't otherwise reach, whether because it's in the past, or in far or imaginary places, or describes experiences we haven't had, or leads us into minds different from our own." Or, I would add, helps us to understand our own humanity in all its kaleidoscopic varieties. Steinbeck shows us the world as it is, in all its baseness and wickedness, while also showing us how the world is, in all its goodness and hope. In order to better understand ourselves, and the world, and others, I would argue that we need literature, good literature, to show lives unlike our own - from the past, present, future, imaginary, realistic, wicked, and good. East of Eden does that and it does so in one word: timshel.

Someday, when I'm brave again (and let's face it have a little more disposable income) I will get a tattoo permanently needled into my body that reads: timshel.

Timshel is the Hebrew word for "thou mayest..." Biblically speaking the Lord says this to Cain before he has slain his brother Abel. The brothers have given their offering to the Lord, the Lord accepts Abel's, but rejects Cain's telling him to "do well" and to be a "rule over it [his desires or sin] (ESV). The KJV reads, "If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And uto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him [emphasis mine]." In East of Eden, Lee, the Chinese sage, is explaining this word to Sam Hamilton and Adam Trask. He explains how much study and how many people were involved in the correct interpretation of the Bible. He went to Jewish scholars and Chinese scholars and argued and discussed and wrestled (mentally, I mean) with them to come to this conclusion: “The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?” 


This word crops up again and again as many of the characters struggle against and with their own humanity. But for me, the crux of this quote comes much later when Lee is speaking with Cal, who believes that he is inherently sinful and bad and cannot overcome this and questions whether he should even try. Lee says to him (and this is my favorite quote of the WHOLE book): "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." 
God gives us the choice. We can try, thou mayest, or we can not try, thou mayest not. But it is our choice. Agency is the greatest, most precious gift a loving Heavenly Father has given to us. And with that agency comes responsibility. But we're flesh. We sin. So much more than we realize (or care to acknowledge). And Satan is pretty crafty. He too knows our weaknesses and that giving into the flesh is so much sweeter in the moment than holding out for that divine promise. And so he beguiles us. He tempts us. A scene in Wonder Woman illustrates this beautifully. 
The magnanimous Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman) (also heart eyes emoji) is fighting Professor Lupin Ares. In his description of the atrocities mankind reeks, he mentions that he whispers formulas and ideas (usually destructive), but he doesn't make them (the humans) use them (the destructive ideas). Humans do that all on their own. And he's right. Absolutely right, in a sense. Wonder Woman, mistakenly, believes that killing Ares will end the war (which in the movies sort of works, because we all love a happy-ish ending.) But it doesn't, not in real life. Humans are still destructive and still prone to do that which they probably shouldn't do, because we are fallen beings. We sin. Period. 
And we always have the choice. The option to do good, to be good is always there. 




So. Much. To Dissect. And yet, also pretty self-explanatory. 




But God gives us strength. 

Period. 



Timshel. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Rootless



Whenever it was I last posted (months and months and months ago), I wrote a bit about road trips that morphed into a bit about self with just a dash of ambiguity and hearty heap of USA. After all USA road trips are the best road trips, in my humble opinion (no that was not meant to sound like Uriah Heap but if it came across that way, I am both sorry and a little thrilled).

I linked to a blogger who wrote a little about what she saw as dissonance here in the USA. Basically she talked about rootlessness. This got me thinking.

I've always considered myself rootless. Whenever people ask where I'm from, I go blank. Do they mean most recently? Do they mean where I was born? attended elementary school? middle school? graduated high school? College? Grad School? Currently reside? Because each of those questions has a different answer.

The honest truth is: I don't know where I'm from.

For a long long time, I sort of held a huge chip on my shoulder about living in America. Ask anyone who knew me from third to twelfth grade. It was a problem. I was a problem. I struggled with my identity and felt that anything "American" would drive out the "British." Turns out living over twenty years in a country will actually "drive out" or at the very least alter a person's sense of identity. I am much more American than I am British, with a few varying exceptions, a trunk is a boot always and forever. And yet, I am British, through and through. It's a very strange place to be. And whenever I go back to that glorious island, my poor brain just can't handle the accents and I honestly cannot think of how to speak. Literally. It takes very conscious effort not to speak with an accent, either too American or too British. Though I'm not copying the accent of others, it's always the accent I would have had, but with an American twist. It's strange and usually takes me at least a week to acclimate.

I had hoped to settle down somewhere so that my children would have roots to be from somewhere but already in their short little lives, I've given up hope of "settling down" as was purported to occur in the good old golden days of who knows when or where. I'm convinced that the "good ol' days" are a myth. A legend. A folk tale. I'm almost convinced that every day, every ordinary day, is a "good ol' day" to someone somewhere at some time. None of my children were born in the same city. Only two were even born in the same state. Chances of us staying anywhere for at least the foreseeable future are slim. We're already "prepping" our minds for a probable move next summer.

But, as my husband pointed out, Biblically there were some who belonged to city-states, and others who belonged to nomadic tribes. The tribes stuck together but moved from place to place. That's us. Gypsy living. We are minimalists not because it is the new popular trend but because we know that someday not far from now we'll have to pack up all that stuff and haul it somewhere else. Yet, I desperately want to belong to some place.

I want there to be a place that is so soaked with memories that it becomes a "thin place." A place that holds spiritual meaning, that is heavy with love and connection. I thought it was Glasgow. And you can read my feelings on my most recent trip to that amazing city HERE. But I'm afraid it wasn't or hasn't yet become a "thin place", though I still have a hankering to visit again this time with my husband and children. Perhaps going back again and again and again reinforces the "thinness" or maybe "thinness" is based solely on our perception. I do feel pulled to certain places, then again, I feel pulled all over the globe if I'm being completely honest. I would like nothing better than to road trip all over the world (obviously with a few flights thrown in for convenience) and maybe someday that dream can become a reality. For now though, I'm living the rootless dream in Southern USA!

Post-edit: My apologies, we've moved. Again. Across the country. Again. And are back in Utah, though an entirely different part of the state. However, these thoughts, for the most part, still ring true. And to sinch the deal I read this wonderful article/post by Candace Rose Rardon that perfectly summarizes my thoughts on home and to some extent my rootlessness:

"Home is the aggregate of our journeys, a collection of people and places, memories and experiences, each home building on the last." 

Friday, July 14, 2017

I love road trips...


It's true. I do. I absolutely adore road trips. I wouldn't necessarily call myself an experienced roadtripper; however, I have moved across the continental United States twice, not quite coast to coast, but I'm only a couple states shy. I've lost count exactly how many states I've been through or my children, and I'm pretty sure my husband only beats me by two tops, but I think it's safe to say, most. In fact, it'd be easier to count how many I haven't been to: Maine, Vermont, NH, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts (hmmmm, I'm seeing a pattern here). So pretty much New England. I haven't yet experienced New England. Or Michigan. Or New Mexico. But that's about it. 

And growing up, we went on a lot of road trips. It's the absolute best way to experience the United States, in my opinion, especially the Western United States, which is where I hail from, though not originally, but you knew that. Now experiencing the deep South is remarkable and has given me a greater, grander appreciation of the people, places, and things, all the nouns that make up this country. However, at the same time, there's something just a bit off. Maybe it's with me. Entirely probable, since I can't seem to shake a perpetual anywhere-but-here mentality, and want to fulfill a nomadic existence which grows more and more impossible the more children I bring into the world, and yet, I just can't not bring more children into this world. They're too perfect, even and especially in their imperfections.

This blog post read recently sums up my current feelings about living in this beautiful country: 

"There is something particularly dissonant about it, something that explains so much of why the culture can't seem to pull together, to truly embrace its diverse origins... it does shed a light on what I consider a truly American dilemma: rootlessness. The sense that one can do anything, move anywhere, experience whatever kind of spirituality, lifestyle, culture, bioregion, is emblematic of the American experience, and yet, the "freedom", the endless amount of choice doesn't seem to make people happier, or even create a more diverse culture. Many, if not most people here seem lost, wandering to different places every generation, and the dominant culture, for the all the diversity on offer, seems strangely mono-cropped, and constrained..." 

I was fist pumping, hallelujah chorusing, and checking if anyone else could read my mind because this gal sure did. You can read the entire post here. She goes on to explain in other prophetic words how the internet monetized blogs and that people are out to get a buck by branding themselves, which I find terribly amusing because I have tried. More than once. To "brand" myself. But, it turns out, I don't fit neatly into a box. Or a hole. Or a peg. I cannot be branded because I am a million different facets rolled into one and those facets change as I change. 

I originally started writing to show off my crafting, which went well enough. Then I had a baby and didn't craft for a loooonnng time. And since that baby brought my current count to four, I didn't really have time to do much else, except eat, sleep, work and care for younglings (and a husband who is going through grad school and rockin' it, I'd like to add). I also tried my hand at photography and I LOVE it. Oh, how I love photography, but that wasn't really a new thing, I just started pushing what I and the camera could do. 

I've been stealing my dad's camera for as long as I can remember and there's photographic evidence of my charades as a "camera bag holder" on many a vacation. However, a pattern began to emerge. When I put too much pressure on myself to really be fantastically amazing at something I realized that I wasn't that fantastically amazing. Don't get me wrong, I take some pretty amazing photos, and I never ever shoot on auto, but when I was caught up in the staging aspect and getting my children (or other people's children) to look and act a certain way it just wasn't natural. I love being behind the camera and capturing moments that are real. Moments that will transport me back to that moment. That joy. That surprise. That awe. I love photographing people (so it's a good thing I'm surrounded by so many). But I also don't want there to be photographic evidence of the fact that it's been three days since the dishes were cleaned and put away. I couldn't brand or stage or construct my images any better than I could brand myself. 


So what does all this have to do with road trips? My, what a good question. Honestly? 

I don't know. 

I began writing about road trips because I'd like to go on one. I just love being in the car and staring out the window at God's and man's creations. I love listening to audio books as a family and piling pillows so high I can barely see the people in the back row who are play fighting with action figures and actually fighting with fisticuffs and throwing sandwiches and Twizzlers every which way hoping they land on someone's lap. Before my computer crashed I had a photo, two actually in succession, of a road trip we did early in our marriage, back when we only had one kid. The first is of my husband, at the wheel, with a Capri Sun (Mountain Cooler all the way) hanging from his mouth (both hands on the wheel), he's slightly smiling and the trees are blurred behind him. And the next image is the cup holder console area of our Subaru Forester (loved you Suzy) filled to the brim with the discarded silver pouches. For some reason, those two photos epitomize my roadtripping fantasies. Maybe it's just me, okay, it's totally just me, but I like being trapped in a car for hours on end. That's a box I'll happily climb in. 

So what does this mean? Nothing really. I'm just putting it out there that I like road trips and hope to someday soon enjoy the open road to somewhere. I don't like self-branding, I just can't fit in a box, there is too much happening in my head, too many interests, not enough time, and lots of little people. I have learned to love and appreciate this glorious country while also taking a long hard look at why it is the way it is and how that has shaped me to be the way I am. These thoughts were jumping around my head and desperately wanted to get out. So here they are. 

Friday, June 2, 2017

Perspective


I needed a swift kick in the bum the other day feeling all sorts of sorry for myself and lost in the confusion of decisions and circumstances. So I scrolled through the photos on my phone looking for a little happiness. And I found it.

It was so neat looking through all the images of the year thus far and I felt overwhelmingly grateful for this life we're living and the husband and children I have. I find it just so easy to scroll through other people's instagram feeds (my social media weapon of choice) and just slowly creep into despair about how little I'm doing or how dull my images are or how I can never for the life of me think up a clever caption for my own photos. Comparison is the thief of joy. And you should never compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. And all that. Not that you should air all your dirty laundry either, too much keepin' it real is just too much. Sharing the good is good and it helps, at least for me, keep my life in some perspective. I've got four wonderfully amazing kids who I genuinely think rock their socks. My husband is working incredibly hard and is such an example to me and my children. I am so lucky and should thank my lucky stars (and God) every single second of every single day that I get to spend as much time as I do with these awesome people. We live in a pretty incredible city with good restaurants, cool local haunts, lots of parks and outdoor spaces to roam around, and humidity. Wait a sec, that last one isn't really something I count as a blessing really, but it will help me appreciate the not humid places all the more. And that's keeping things in perspective.

That very same day as needing the bum-kick, my husband also explained some much needed truths about myself. Things I knew but needed to have explained to me in such a way that would not send me either into a rage or a panic and he did so beautifully. This then led to the scrolling and the gratitude and the glow of past remembrances, the joy of our present, and the excitement for our future. I want to do just about everything, as evident from my constant inconsistencies in writing. I want to quilt, and cross stitch, and write, and photograph, and inspire, and lead, and follow, and mother, and wife, and live fully, and live simply. I want all these things pretty much all the time. Which is impossible. I can't do everything all at once. No one can. 


Taking stock is never easy, especially when my tendencies are prone to wallow in self-pity and misery. Sometimes that's a really nice indulgent place to dwell for a time, because I do think self-reflection can help. But my time was up. Giving over fully, completely, totally to these types of feelings allow for bitterness, resentment, and hollowness to take root and eventually consume all that is good and humble. That feels quite dramatic. But in the moments the very real, raw, unabashed moments when I feel these feelings, it feels an awful lot like descending into a cave, experiencing total darkness or being swallowed by a black hole. Luckily, stars, in their multitude, lighten and guide in darkness and there is no pit so deep that the Savior of the world cannot get to me (or you for that matter). And all I needed was a little perspective. 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Roll Tide

Let me start by saying this is not a football post. For one thing we are clearly not in the right season for a football post and for another, I'm not actually that invested in football, Tide or no Tide (but don't tell my kids, okay?) Okay. But all these photos were taken during A-Day when Alabama plays Alabama and Alabama wins. 



In Tuscaloosa, you will hear "Roll Tide" said over and over again especially during college football season but not limited only to those six months. Though the phrase has its roots in relation to the Crimson Tide, it seems to have taken on a life of its own and is used for just about anything. Child received high marks on difficult test? Roll Tide. A family member has fallen unexpectedly ill? Roll Tide. You find a penny on the ground? Roll Tide. A really good BBQ joint opens up downtown? Roll Tide. The Tide wins the National Championship again? Roll Tide Roll. Each of these "Roll Tides" have a different inflection of course, one wouldn't cheerily shout the phrase at someone whose parent just passed. But you would say it.



The proliferation of this saying got me to thinking about Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift of the Sea. There is a tide/sea correlation so that's what I'm working with. In this book Ms. Anne discusses some of her time at the beach. It is a lovely, philosophical little book that inspires me to pack up and head to the beach...alone. However, since that is not humanly possible at this stage in my life it brings me to reflect on my current stage. Ms. Anne describes how a woman's normal life tends to run counter to creative life, and that the problem is "more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel [which is mothering and the interests and duties are the spokes]." In some ways, life has sucked all the creative juices right out of me. I have little time to dream either during the day or in the night. Exhaustion prevents creative brain function. And so I wait. I wait until I get a little burst, a glimmer of what dreams may come and I hang on desperately to those starbursts until the time comes when I can examine and develop and cultivate my creative dreams. 


Right now, I'm in my Roll Tide life. Which means a couple different things, but here's a snapshot of life currently: Living in Tuscaloosa, literally Roll Tide Country. Husband. In graduate school. Working hard. Grueling summer schedule. Me. Currently working full-time. In a library. Working hard. Four children. Each growing. Each learning. And differently from each other. Each talking. Each touching. Fighting. Playing. Me again. Hormonal. Pregnant. Weepy. Making tough decisions easy and easy decisions tough. Always. Feeling. Love. Happiness. Despair. Joy. Hope. 


The current season of my life is temporary. I know this. My children will grow, to my never-ceasing sorrow and I know that I will look back with some regret. Regret that I wasn't fully present. That I was always looking to what was next in the daily schedule, to the next meal, the next grade, the next phase, the next milestone, the next day, the next week, month, year. I'm not the only one. I read enough of other mothers to know that I am not alone. Neither in my "forward-thinking" nor my lack of energy for dreams. I'm great at starting things, not so great at finishing them. Sometimes it's time. Sometimes it's interest. Sometimes it's exhaustion. But it's just phase. Like the ebbing of the tide, sometimes cast out to sea and other times sticking to the shore. 


I also like what Ms. Anne has to say about relationships stating that "All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms." As a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, colleague, I see how each of these relationships change and morph into something different over time or even in a single moment. Ms. Anne continues, "The light shed by any good relationship illuminates all relationships. And one perfect day can give clues for a more perfect life." I seek after these clues. I catch glimpses of them in the ordinary moments with my husband and my children, with my work and with my friends. They graze my heart and soul and brain leaving minor gold flecks, traces of their having passed through pointing and preparing me for what will come next, because I need those bursts in order to maintain the consistent balance of the tide. I need to be steady, coming in and receding at regular intervals. While also remembering that in any phase of life "Roll Tide" is a legitimate response. 

My next phase won't necessarily be a Roll Tide phase, as I may not be in Roll Tide country, but I will always have the experiences that led me here and here will shape me for hereafter: "For it is not merely the trivial which clutters our lives but the important as well." 





Monday, January 9, 2017

Twenty Seventeen



I love the new year, don't you? It's like new pencils at the start of the school year or the first page of a new book or the world after it snows and the sun is shining and all the world glitters. Sigh with me, won't you? *Inhale**Exhale* Ah! Lovely!

This year I've got some goals, do you? I recently wrote a review of last year's goals which I gave a mediocre performance and finished less than half of my sixteen items. I decided not to set number this year, just in case I couldn't get to seventeen. What I chose to focus on instead was areas where I wanted to improve or areas I found lacking.

First, Shakespeare. The Great Bard himself. I have a Bachelor's in English and I have never, not once, taken a Shakespeare course. I vaguely remember in high school watching the Romeo and Juliet (the one with tights) my freshman year, attending a school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream (where I had a crush on Puck) my sophomore year, doing a spoof on Julius Caesar (where I cut out paper ears for Antony's speech) my junior year, and watching the Reduced Shakespeare Company my senior year. At college, the year I was supposed to take the course, the university offered an author symposium on Jane Austen that could be taken in place of Shakespeare. True Austen aficionado that I was I promptly signed up for that course, and almost regret it now. I'll never be able to truly regret Miss Jane but I do feel my education was insufficient (in more ways than my lack of Shakespearean knowledge) and that I am responsible to fix it. So though my goals are in no specific order, my first is to study Shakespeare.

Another area where I lack is that of the gospel. I am a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (let me know in the comments if you would like to know more about the Church or my conversion) and since I converted from a position of basically zero knowledge of the Savior and God and that that knowledge has grown minimally in the six years since my baptism, I would like to feast more fully upon the Word and better understand the Atonement. Last year, I read the entire Bible and we read almost the entire Book of Mormon as a family. I was called as a teacher in the women's organization and have been so lucky to read and study the current council of our prophet and other leaders and now I've been called into the children's organization where I teach simple doctrinal principles. But that still feels like it's not quite enough. I would like to gain greater understanding of Christ's life and how to emulate His teachings. This form of study would include reading the Bible again cover to cover, the Book of Mormon cover to cover, and studying in smatterings the Doctrine and Covenants, and works by Church leaders and others on specific topics chosen throughout the year.

Next up, budgeting. I recently read Rachel Cruze's new book "Live your Life Not Theirs." I highly recommend this book. Cruze is funny and serious, loving and critical, and above all honest. It felt like we were having a conversation, a pretty personal conversation actually, about finances and at times I found myself answering out loud and also texting my husband in an anxious panic. I think making sure that our finances are looked at regularly and setting a monthly budget would be most helpful for us to get where we'd like to go.

Record keeping for myself and my kids - Last year I bought four record books for the kids. Nothing fancy just some blank notebooks that I could fill with words about how much I love them and how much they stress me out. I read about the concept in the book 5 Spiritual Solutions for the Family. Record keeping and family history has always been something I've been interested in (as my Archives degree will testify (I think family history and familial ties are very important) and I would like to give my children a tangible gift of there growing up years, because if they are anything like me they will have terrible memories. I've included photographs and anecdotes. I have a few pages written in each and would like to be more regular in my chronicling their childhoods.

In addition to writing to my children, I would like to write more to others. I know I enjoy receiving mail from loved ones and would like to send more letters, especially birthday cards. Who doesn't love a note of cheer for their birthday?

I have a little bit of a soda problem and so getting that under control is of the upmost importance to my health so after much deliberation I've decided to quit cold turkey. I tried last year and did not succeed but this year I will. I just know it.

Amusingly, I'm noticing that my explanation of goals are getting shorter and shorter as I go.

By and by I would like to attempt to finish some crafty-like projects this year. I didn't quite finish any last year, something I sorely lament now. I will have (at least) three cross-stitch projects going in the foreseeable future and would like to finish one this year. Surely, one is feasible. Similarly, I would like to finish a quilt. I have lovely fabric just sitting in the box and my poor husband's 50 states quilt has sat near completion for almost two years, whoops. So I'd like to finish a quilt and a cross stitch. 

In past years, I have had marginal and resounding success with trying new recipes. I've set the goal at 12 in hopes that carefully considering these recipes will encourage them to become a regular part of our meal plans. I received a wonderful book for Christmas and this one comes out around my birthday. I gain considerable pleasure cooking in the kitchen and would love to devote more time to trying new recipes. 

And finally, 52 weeks of Family Home Evening. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have been asked to set aside one day a week, typically Monday, to have a family night where lessons on gospel instruction are given and family's make sure to spend quality time together. In the past, we've done alright at being consistent, but as my children grow older I can see how valuable this activity is not only the gospel instruction where the children participate in teaching, but also the quality time spent playing games (we love games at our house) and just being together. 

So those eleven items made my resolution cut. What made your list? 



Friday, December 30, 2016

2016 Year in Review






So, yep. I sort of dropped the cheese on just about everything I had set out to do this year especially in regards to keeping up appearances on this blog. I hardly wrote anything at all. I also wasn't as consistent with my resolutions as I would have liked to be. Let's review what I set out to do and how I did with accomplishing said goals, shall we? 

SRT

I am happy to report that with only a few minor snaffoos I am on track to finish the entire Bible this year (I am writing this on the 30th but I'm just so darn close, I don't imagine I'll mess this one up). So YAY! 

184 DAYS OF DRESSES

Ummmm, so yeah. I think I lasted about a week on that one and that lost count. I only wear dresses to work, except on Fridays, so it's safe to say that I do indeed wear dresses frequently, though perhaps not half the year. 

50 RECIPES 

I got up to about 20 before losing count. There were a couple that have made it permanently to our cooking roster. Chicken Tikka Masala - from scratch not a jar. Homemade Buttermilk biscuits - that includes a super trick to getting the wonderful flakiness expectant of the biscuit. And more recently I made an entire traditional English fruitcake complete with homemade marzipan and royal icing. It was a feat, lemme tell ya. I was so super stressed making the marzipan and royal icing I'm pretty sure my husband thought I'd gone completely mental, especially for something that no one really wanted to eat (except me; I LOVE me some fruitcake). But it was so SO worth it and I'll definitely do it again next year ... though I may halve the recipe. 

24 BOOKS 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is where I completely exceeded expectations. I read 36 books this year. Thirty-six!!! And man alive did it feel good! I have been lucky enough to have been part of a book club this year and it's been so wonderful discussing fantastic books and also rereading some of my favorites for myself as well as discovering new ones. I may publish a full list at some point but I want to mention just a couple that I absolutely adore and will read and reread and recommend to anyone who asks. First, kids books. I've always read aloud to my kids, waaaaay before they could talk or hold a book and so this wasn't really a new concept for me except now the girls get to pick some of the books that go in our nightly sessions. We alternate and because of that I've read some wonderful children's books. We read all of the Chronicles of Narnia together and listened to the dramatized version on Audible when we took our long road trip. These stories are just wonderful and I know we'll return to them again and again. Whenever anyone ask me for a good elementary level chapter book my first answer is always and resoundingly FRINDLE! Andrew Clements has written such a compelling and beautiful story in this book and this is another that I will return to again. For a little adventure look no further than The Green Ember Series the second installment was published this year through a Kickstarter campaign and recommend that when the 3rd comes out you all do the same ("my place beside you...."). We read loads of other books too but these ones really resonated. In addition I read a good mix of fiction and nonfiction. Finally read Till We Have Faces and just loved it (I'm pretty positive this will be my pick for my book choice in book club). A co-worker recommend Gilead which was so hauntingly beautiful I added it to my wish-list. And finally, you guys, I read The Hiding Place. Oh my stars. This book. THIS book. I returned my copy to the library and immediately purchased a copy because it is that important that we own this book. Corrie ten Boom's voice is so positive and so strong and despite all the hardships and difficulties she and her family faced remained so hopeful that I can hardly keep from tearing up even now. It was a great book year for me and I hope to continue this trend into 2017. 

The next 7 or so resolutions had to do with SEWING and sadly I did not do much in this area. I have almost completed two cross-stitch projects (almost) and I did almost finish a dress for myself (can't figure out the darn sleeves). But I severely lacked in the sewing department this year. 

Also I fell off the no SODA wagon but will try again. 

PROJECT LIFE 

I did surprisingly well here and just placed an order for more prints to finish out the year. I'm pretty much completely caught up. Woot woot! (I totally raised the roof there, not gonna lie). 

SEWING SPACE 

I bought a desk which was really all that was entailed in the sewing space and I organized everything into a nice big pink bin when we moved so it looks good, even if I was a slacker and didn't do much with it. 

GAMES W/DA HUSBAND

I don't think we did every week consistently, in fact I know we didn't do EVERY week, but we did put the technology and TV away a lot more and spent more quality time with each other playing games. This is also evident in our Christmas purchases to each other - we each got the other a chess set. I bought him a traditional wooden set and he got me Wizard chess (we got A LOT of much appreciated board games this year and have already played most nights since). This is one that I think we'll definitely continue and this year I'm going to beat him at chess! 

And finally MOVE. 

Yep. Definitely did that. In a big way. 

Wow, if you made it this far, you are super! So that was 2016 goals broken down. In addition to those goals a lot else happened. We all had birthdays. I got to travel home to the UK for a week. We all got to travel across the country and moved to a wonderful city. I received full-time employment (it was a bit touchy there). We all get to spend much more time with cousins and extended family. I read A LOT. We added Picket, an English Springer, to the family. And many bumps, bruises, and big smiles all year round. Thanks to you all for reading a little bit about me and my likes here. 

I don't yet have a concrete idea of what I want 2017 to look like. I've been intrigued by the one word year philosophies but I just don't think that's something I can do. I just love making resolutions and having a goal to work toward even if I don't end up doing half of them. Making a list is much more my style. I'll leave you with this cliff hanger and then we'll see where 2017 takes us - Shakespeare and Flannery O'Connor. 

Happy New Year! 




Tuesday, October 4, 2016

The Shepherd's Life, read from the Lakes

Our family philosophy is a reading philosophy and I love sharing all the books. In lieu of this philosophy, I want to create a series of posts highlighting books that I would recommend to others because EVERYONE needs good literature. #roseandtoastreads


Over the summer, I was blessed with the opportunity to travel to the UK for my granddad's 90th birthday. My whole little external family on his side, would be there for this reunion and it just so happened to be held in the land of my birth. The exact land of my birth,  just a few miles from my old coach house in Lake District. Yes, yes, you should be jealous that I was born in this breathtakingly beautiful country and you should be equally jealous that I got to spend a whole week there this summer; though it is I who is jealous of all the people who get to live there full-time - Like James Rebanks, author of the book The Shepherd's Life: Modern Dispatches from an Ancient Landscape (ps follow him on instagram for all the herdy picts you'll ever need, @herdyshepherd1).

When I was six or seven, I proudly exclaimed from the back seat of Betty Margaret (our little red BMW), that I would be a farmer when I grew up. This occurred while we were paused behind a herd of sheep crossing from one side of the road to the other so I'm sure the accuracy of the statement was fleeting at best. I knew no farmers. I had very little experience with livestock. And no land from which to raise my fleet of sheep and pack of dogs. However, as I grew, that tiny little stubborn girl kept saying, "wouldn't it be awesome to be a shepherd in the Lake District?" and now thanks to James Rebanks I want to quit my life and relocate.

His book is downright beautiful. Not only is it a testimony of the land and the profession, but it is a beautiful memoir of his family, his granddad and dad in particular. The book is divided into seasons, much like his life, and he weaves the history of his family with the history of his profession and his own personal journey providing insight and grit to a long-established, necessary and hardy way-of-life.

He begins with, "There is no beginning, and there is no end. The sun rises, and falls, each day, and the seasons come and go. The days, months, and years alternate through sunshine, rain, hail, wind, snow, and frost. The leaves fall each autumn and burst forth again each spring. The earth spins through the vastness of space. The grass comes and goes with the warmth of the sun. The farms and the flocks endure, bigger than the life of a single person. We are born, live our working lives, and die, passing like the oak leaves that blow across our land in the winter. We are each tiny parts of something enduring, something that feels solid, real, and true." Each aspect of life is connected - the physical changing of the seasons, the routine of managing the sheep, the daily humdrum, and the life well-lived.

Throughout the book, Rebanks moves seamlessly between the past, present, and future within each seasonal section. He explains how his granddad did the job, how he and his dad do the job, and how his children will likely do the job - in the exact same way as the vikings who brought the sheep thousands of years ago. This is no one-time offer of a profession, this is a lifestyle in an era when "lifestyle" has become a catch-phrase, a buzzword, lauding the busy-ness of so many people without actually accomplishing much in the way of living. James and his family are busy folk, but not unnecessarily so. They do what needs done, when it needs doing. Another aspect of life handed down from generation to generation.

I find it particularly interesting that the title is THE Shepherd's Life, instead of "A." Yes, he was alluding to another book of the same name; however, I think it is worth noting that this life is not unique to Rebanks and his family. Quite the contrary. This way of life is lived by hundreds of others around the globe; the ordinary folk who do the necessary jobs. The average Joe who is always so much more than average. Often, he points out the irony of our modern education and way of life, with examples like, "My father can hardly spell common words but has an encyclopedic knowledge of landscape. I think it makes a mockery of the conventional idea of who is and isn't intelligent;" and "modern life is rubbish for so many people. How few choices it gives them. How it lays out in front of them a future that bores most of them so much they can't wait to get smashed [drunk] out of their heads each weekend. How little most people are believed in, and how much it asks of so many people for so little in return." Rebanks describes the community, the camaraderie, and the education required to sustain a life on the land. A life that is filled to the brim of every emotion, including the bad ones, which are necessary to living a full, un-secluded life.

The lives we lead are not led in isolation. There's a meme-y, tumblr-y thing or something similar that's floating around the internet that tells the story of a man who has died and meets God. During this meeting, he, the dead man, is told that he will live again as another person, and that ultimately all the people in all the world that ever lived was this one person. Though religiously I cannot believe this story to be true, I believe it contains elements of truth. And it claims a point that Rebanks reinforces, that is our stories are entwined, "we are, I guess, all of us, built out of stories." Our stories connect us - to our landscape, to our jobs, to our community, and to our people

I could never end this discussion better than he did so I would like to share one last block quote from this tremendous and lovely book: "Working up these mountains is as good as it gets, at least as long as you are not freezing or sodden (though even then you feel alive in ways that I don't in modern life behind glass). There is a thrill in the timelessness up there; I have always like the feeling of carrying on something bigger than me, something that stretches back through other hands and other eyes into the depths of time. To work there is a humbling thing, the opposite of conquering a mountain if you like; it liberates you from any illusion of self-importance."





Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Good Earth

Our family philosophy is a reading philosophy and I love sharing all the books. In lieu of this philosophy, I want to create a series of posts highlighting books that I would recommend to others because EVERYONE needs good literature. #roseandtoastreads


One of the seemingly ironic aspects of reading this book was that I was always eating whenever I picked it up. Most commonly, I would take it with me to lunch. This felt like a huge indiscretion considering that for the majority of the first half the main character, Wang Lung, and his family are starving, quite literally, to death. Despite the overwhelming guilt I experienced for continually stuffing my face during the reading of this book, I absolutely loved it!

I fully understand how this is a contemporary classic and I am surprised that I had never read it before, especially given that I was subjected to several courses on contemporary lit, post-modern lit, and post-colonial lit; not once did this book appear on course syllabi during my undergraduate career. In Literature. I find this quite absurd to be honest. Although my rant/soap box on the absurdity of my college literary education is one that those close to me hear on a regular basis, I will spare you, my dear readers, except for this one point: The number of books I was forced to read that had very little to contribute to the Great Conversation has left me feeling rather illiterate. Heck, I read God of Small Things, which wasn't my favorite, several times in several courses and let me tell you, there are only so many times one can read about the orange-ice man and not want to vomit in the sink. Once. The answer is once. But not so with The Good Earth.

The characters were believable - i.e. human, experiencing human problems in a world overrun with other humans experiencing different human problems. Wang Lung exhibited many true-to-life flaws and attributes that led to my rejoicing and sorrowing with him throughout his life. A life that begs to be reread. Pearl S. Buck delivers her message without shoving it down your throat (unlike another previously mentioned author, who I'm sure is a wonderful human being and that her book is probably pretty good, but not one that I will read again in this lifetime). She, Buck, explores the conflicts between romance and responsibility in love; the pros and cons of filial obedience; wealth and poverty; and human progression (or digression) intellectually and morally.

This book doesn't detail much in the way of descriptions of China the country, but instead it focuses on one character his life and his family, but I think the setting is important and that as a farmer Wang Lung is tied to his land, his Chinese soil, and the Chinese way of life. However, the setting isn't isolating. I can enjoy the landscape without having set foot in the country; I can appreciate the trials that the revolution spurred without knowing the whole, vast history.

It was an interesting progression from rural life to city life and back to rural life, and that throughout his life Wang Lung is continually connected to the land, his land, even when he's removed from it. His children don't always (or ever) appreciate the life their father has led or his connection to the land, but isn't that also true to human nature? We cannot truly experience or know the life of another, fellow hooman being. We cannot totally and completely appreciate the choices, the trials, the highs, the lows, the values of another, even one we're blood related to. Luckily we have books to teach us; and Wang Lung teaches us that he feels most at home working in the soil, getting dirty, and smelling like garlic. And who doesn't love the smell of garlic?

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Follow the sat nav


Welcome back to my little corner of the internet.

I've missed writing and getting thoughts from my head through my fingers to the page. Things have not gone as planned. Do they ever?

I wrote the first two paragraphs of this post a couple weeks ago and although my sentiments have changed slightly, I would like to keep the authenticity of the original post intact. So they remain just as they were (I've put them in italics for the sake of differentiation).

Originally, I had written a whole slew of welcome back posts complete with all my grand intentions of homeschooling and being a stay-at-home mom, finally. But God had other plans. My religion is very close to my heart and I struggle to put into words what my thoughts and feelings are. I'm still pretty raw and entirely overwhelmed by the blessings and the trials I have experienced in the last two weeks. It hasn't all be bad, not at all, but last week I just about cried for one reason or another every day. But I know the Lord is good. And that whatever plan He has for me and my family is a better plan than I can imagine, though it may not look how I think it should look.

We moved across the country. In our family, a move isn't a move unless it's across the country or the ocean. So we're thousands of miles away from routines and home and all things familiar. I have a terrible, truly terrible, sense of direction so I've been using the sat nav to get everywhere. But isn't that how it goes - on earth as it is in heaven? I'm new here. So I need guidance - temporally and spiritually. When we arrived on earth, tiny and indefensible didn't we need guidance? Our parents did everything for us because we could do very little for ourselves. As we grow, the need for guidance doesn't disappear, it just changes and as a perpetual child of God, I need continual guidance.

Picking up from where I left off all those weeks ago, we moved. And I needed the sat nav. And I made a connection to God's plan through the need for a sat nav. AND now I've taken that sat nav story and run a half marathon with it (a half marathon btw is on my never-bucket list, I am so not a runner). But, please continue...

In the beginning it's quite easy to follow the path that the sat nav tells us because we don't know the way, so we place all our faith in route we are told in direction-by-directionally based pieces. We haven't had the chance to look around and get our own sense of direction including shortcuts, and stop-overs. We aren't distracted by the possibility of other routes. Or Target. As I got more and more comfortable driving, I trusted the sat nav less and less. I have no reason not to trust the machine, although I am warned that the map is out of date, and given my directionally-challenged nature, I should be much more wary of where my brain is telling me I should go rather than the sat nav. However, I found that I would question the directions. I would double check the overview and triple check the address before trusting, having faith that this device would get me where I needed to go.

The scriptures (and if you're LDS, the prophets) are like our sat navs. They are filled, programed (in keeping with the sat nav analogy) with the correct routes for us to follow. The test of our faith is whether we trust their directions and follow them even after we "know" the way.

I have lately realized that not only has my reliance on the sat nav decreased, but also my speed has increased. I started of trepidatious, unsure of what the speed limits were and keeping a close eye on available road signs. As my comfort with the road increased, so did my speed. For one thing the flow of traffic is quicker than I'm used to - and to be fair, there aren't many clearly posted limits. However, this analogy has to do with sin rather than faith. When we're comfortable stretching our limits in one area, it easily transfers to other areas. When I'm lax in my temporal experiences, I am usually being lax in my spiritual upkeep as well and not doing all that I should to follow God's promptings and keep His commandments. Wo, unto those who are at ease in Zion, or something like that. When I'm not paying my full attention - to the road, to my children, to my spouse, or my scriptures - that is when things start to slip through the cracks and the toddler takes a sharpie to the wall.

But what does all this have to do with Rose & Toast? I dunno. But I needed to write them. Things, life, don't always turn out how we plan them and this space is a perfect, world-class, fantastic example of that. It has had so many incarnations with no set direction or organization or consistency other than it's all my writing. I don't know when I'll write again. I don't know what I'll write again. But chances are I'll write. Again and again.

I'll keep writing. 

Thursday, March 24, 2016

#Hallelujah

Last night, we had a special Easter presentation at our church. We were moved around different rooms that depicted scenes from Holy Week, Christ's last week. We began waving palm branches and shouting "Hosanna" for His triumphal entry into Jerusalem where He was hailed Messiah; through the Last Supper; the Garden of Gethsemane; His trial, beating, and mocking; the Crucifixion; and finally two of my kiddos helped "roll the stone away" to see that "He is not here." 

It was an incredible visual and my kids all responded to different elements -- the images of Christ, the singing, the stories, etc. It was a long but beautiful night where we gained a clearer understanding of what those days may have felt like. How He suffered. How He lives. The final hymn we sang was "He is Risen" and every time I get a catch in my throat. It's just so incredible to me to know that the Savior died for my sins (and your sins) and that He not only died for us but He lives for us. He Lives!

I love this video for so many reasons, the most important being that it's like a "Where's Waldo" of famous LDS singers. So far I've found Alex Boye, Peter Hollens, and Donny Osmond. David Archuleta has to be in there somewhere, right? Who can you find?

Have a very happy Easter, my friends! Hallelujah! 


Monday, March 7, 2016

For the love...

For the love of what I'm not yet sure, but man alive you guys, I'm super sorry to change everything on you all over again. I just can't bring myself to do it. To write dear, personal things about my kiddos and not feel enormous guilt about the whole thing. They are my life and I want to protect them from all the nonsense that happens which I think includes giving them their privacy. My whole world revolves around them so it's difficult to exclude them from something like this, but I think if I'm going to succeed I need to trust my gut and my prayers. So here's the deal:

Rose & Toast was begun as a crafting blog for me to explore my creative side. It then meandered into a lifestyle/motherhood/nonsense blog. It almost very nearly became a photography blog, but again, privacy monster shouted loud in my ear that plastering their precious faces was not really what I wanted to do. And now, I think I'll return to the crafting (and reading) side. I feel like I need to do something with my hands in the evenings, especially while watching Netflix. I am working on the Pumpkin Passport and am LOVING it so much. It's the cutest thing and I will be hanging it in my girls' room once it's completed. The other day my husband mentioned, yet again how I have not finished his quilt, and I feel horrible about it, so I want to finish. I have a sticky note filled with WIPs and want to cross them out. We are in terrible need of a new quilt/comforter for our bed and I've had a hexie project in the works for over 6 months for one of the boys. I hate that I've started so many things only to let them sit. I want to create a home and no, it doesn't necessarily mean I need to be a sewer, but at the same time, for me it might mean that. My girls still wear their "Thanksgiving dresses" all the time, Wookie especially. They love their quilts and I love the idea of having things we've created on the walls.

Our family motto is "Invenium Viam aut Facium" (it's Latin for "I will discover the way or make one" - my husband is a classicist so it fits). Sewing is hard. Crochet is hard. Stitching is hard. But if I want to create a certain type of home then I need to discover or make a way. So here we go again, Rose & Toast the crafting blog. What this means for the rest of the blog is that I'm going to take down most of the posts that have the kids in them and probably a few of the more personal ones too. I'm going to start taking better pictures of my stuff and really work on finishing things. It just seems like the right thing to do. So sorry again for the whiplash.

PS: I so want to use the gorgeous designs my friend made me as a label, they are too perfect not to use


Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Girl on the Train // thoughts on the book


I first heard about this book from a review on Postcards from Purgatory and was intrigued when the reviewer wrote "[the novels discuss] that childlessness - in two very different circumstances -- is a breeding ground for self-hatred and insanity." (The other novel discussed in the quote is The Diver's Clothes Lie Empty, which I haven't read.) Those lines piqued my interest so I placed a hold at the local library, only to stumble upon a sale at a local book store getting four books for $20 and ended up buying it (among others).

It's a pretty quick read and if you're interested in reading more there are summaries abounding all over the web (including in the review I linked to).

Initially, I was intrigued by the idea of childlessness breeding self-hatred and insanity. Having many children myself, and having them for pretty much all of my adult life, I don't really relate to the idea; however, I can see how the opposite can also be true. I feel like sometimes my children bring out the worst in me, or more accurately I show them the worst in me, which brings on the mommy-guilt like nobody's business. I love my children more than almost anything in this world (my husband beats them by just a hair, but he's sworn to me forever and someday, some far away day, my birdies will fly the nest), and I would willingly die to protect them from any harm, but they do drive me crazy sometimes.

Though, childlessness is a prominent theme in the novel, the theme that actually struck me most was how you can never really know a person. I've known this for quite a while now, but was impressed with how the author addressed the issue. The book is divided into character sections. We get snippets from the minds of Rachel, Megan, and Anna. The reader knows their minds but the other characters clearly don't. For example, the main character, Rachel, is struggling with alcoholism, severe alcoholism, and it causes her to act rashly at times, so we get her shame, guilt, and justification for behaving that way, which makes logical sense when reading from her point of view. But when we see the same scene from Anna's point of view, the whole thing looks completely different and often the two interpretations don't quite match up. This is done on purpose. We're supposed to question the motives, intentions, and sanity of these characters. Even or perhaps most especially in marriage.

Anna and Megan are married, to Tom and Scott, respectively. I was fascinated by the portrayal of those relationships. They are so different, yet both draw from the theme that you cannot fully, truly, know another person. Their thoughts. Their motives. Their trustworthiness. In the one instance, Scott is misrepresented in many instances by other characters, but it's his wife who ends up being most misrepresented; in the other instance, everything seems rosy, cozy, and fine, despite what seem like minor inconveniences. We know this because we get to see into the women's minds in a way that their spouses never do. Once events start to overlap, the confusion grows. We spend the most time in Rachel's brain, so we know her the most, but there is a point in the novel where I questioned her honesty with herself. She shatters her own credibility and even she questions herself, forcing us to question: how much can we trust our own selves? 

I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone looking for an intriguing mystery.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Roamin' FWQ Week 2

So I have zero finished blocks for this week. I know, I know, I'm totally ashamed. But I did get some cutting done.

I'm working on #26 Cut Glass Dish and it's difficult. The triangles are small (1 1/2 inch) and there are 48 (!!!) of them. I did fussy cut a buffalo, so that's something, right?


I also helped Nins with this Yeti ice pack from Mollie Johanson's book, Stitch Love. So even if I'm not completing my own projects, I'm helping my daughter complete hers. I know it's still a bit of a cop-out and I sincerely apologize. I've totally dropped the ball and it's only the second week. I need to schedule in my sewing time, which makes it seem less fun, but if I want to actually accomplish any of the sewing goals I need to me strict with my time. So next week, I'll have at least one finished. Scouts honor.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Roamin' FWQ Week 1


I'm not going to lie you guys working with this fabric was a little bit stressful. It is a super high thread count and feels a little stiff to work with. I'm not sure if this is how all high thread count fabrics are but it took a bit getting used to.

With that now out of the way, I can get to showing the block. I started with the first letter. In this letter the lovely, Mrs. J. E. F. talks about living in God's open air. I loved that expression. I live pretty darn close to Big Sky Country (Montana) and spent a bit of time up there in my youth and the Big Sky is no joke. I'm not sure how it does it but Montana's sky is bigger than Idaho's, Wyoming's, and Utah's...combined. Being out there, feels all at once infinite and minuscule. Part of the world and detached.

So I based these blocks on the theme of God's open air, which conveniently for me, seems to fit perfectly in the Western and Roam motifs. The first block is #54 Kitchen Wood Box and was the first, and only block, this week. Cutting the fabric was mostly nerve-wrecking and piecing as mentioned above took a bit getting used to (I'm still getting used to it to be honest).

I still plan on doing the second block this weekend, but you know how life gets, so maybe next week, I'll have three. Wishful thinking, but still probable.

I'm thinking I might need to invest in some other template or rethink my strategy of cutting the fabric. Right now, I've got the paper templates and have been gluing them to cardboard as a stabilizer, but found it difficult to maneuver the fabric while keeping the cardboard from rotating too and ended up cutting inaccurately. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

* The legless sheep is a family inside joke, I never actually saw a legless sheep and neither did anyone else in my family (that I'm aware)